I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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