My first STD was from a foam party
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize