Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
