Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize