I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
