Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it glows. i had to have it.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
