sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
