so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
