I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize