No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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