I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Tornado booty call.. dedication
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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