Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
50% drunk capacity currently
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
FUCK WHALES
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
