What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
