I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
