I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
