so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
