Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
