we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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