i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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