I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize