Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
