Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
