i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
It was confusing and full of hummus
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
