Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
