So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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