like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
