You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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