I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
