whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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