Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
well you can't waste a boner
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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