ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
