I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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