My hair reeks of homosexuality.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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