your thong is hanging out like whoa
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
