That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
