I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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