do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize