You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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