She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
