You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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