Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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