Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
