so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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