He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
