Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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