That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize