i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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