Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
