You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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