My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
