Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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