I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
