I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
