we made out on top of his cat.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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