My hair reeks of homosexuality.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
