Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
