I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
