Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
do nipples grow back?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize