She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
