smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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