someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
