he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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