After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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