Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
