okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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