he wants to bone in the snuggie
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
