i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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