apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
the day after is always just damage control
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
