he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
What drink are we having for lunch?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
